DDP, oh how we love thee, let us count the ways...

We started moving the cabinets tonight to accomodate the fun, frivolous fridge. Why we thought DDP* wouldn't throw us a curve ball, I do not know. Will we ever learn?

Ways that we love DDP... in his words...
1. Drilling is for suckas! I hate my nice Kraftmaid maple cabinets that I paid a ton of money for! To ruin them, and make them impossible to get apart, I shall cast my drill bits aside and simple fasten them together with 3" long drywall screws, driven directly into the maple!! Ha Ha, this is genius and such a timesaver! Who cares if I split the wood? Who cares if it's nearly impossible to back the screws back out? Why would anyone want to do that? I am DDP and my craftsmanship is of such high quality that no one will. ever. want. to. change it. ever.

2. Why cut this stud to fit? I can simply notch the other studs to accomodate this one. Ha ha, these people who measure and cut are so stupid! I will show them with my fabulous craftsmanship.


3. What, I need to screw the bottom of the cabinet to the base? Ha ha, the drill bits again? Didn't you learn that I don't need those? Ha ha, you silly, silly people! I will show you! So what if I split the front cabinet support? I DON'T NEED THAT ONE! No, the load will be distributed over the other three. Didn't you people take physics? Why do I have to work with such idiots?

4. Phone line? You want a phone line in the kitchen? Oh you silly, silly Americans! Why would you want that? I guess that I'll have to get the drill bits out now. Since you HAVE to have this phone line and all. I know- I will just drill through one of my nicely notched studs and pull the wires around through the back of the cabinet. Yes, that will work wonderfully! Plan ahead, ha! What are you people thinking? I am such a genius.




5. Oh, you want the wall of heavy pantry cabinets stablized? Why the hell would I do that? Hmmm. I know! I'll just run this one stud to the ceiling. I didn't want to cut it anyway. No one will notice it up there. They'll just think that it's part of the tin ceiling. No, we don't need to paint it or trim it or anything? Why would we do that? Ha! Ha! You make me laugh with your "finish carpentry" and your "paint". What are these things of which you speak?


Stay tuned to see how we conquer DDPs fabulous craftsmanship.

So, yes, we love you DDP! You make every task worth tackling! Can we have the 25k we've put into the house back now? Oh, what? You took that and went to Florida? Oh well... I hope that you have fun ruining another house down there! At least we know that the next owner down there won't pull old nasty rugs out of the rotten trim over their bedroom window placed there to stop the ice dams? BUT, that's a subject for another day...

*The previous owner, if you haven't followed earlier posts.